The dating world isn’t always easy to navigate, but there are various pieces of wisdom you can follow to avoid dating duds. No one wants to end up with a dud, and you don’t have to. By duds, I mean someone who isn’t good for you. This doesn’t mean the person has no value. It means the relationship isn’t in your best interest.
In this post, I will share nine tips I learned from experience. I trust they’ll guide you as you seek someone to share your life with.
Tip 1
Be clear on what you want in a spouse. Spend time dreaming about your ideal husband or wife. What qualities would he or she have? Be specific. I did this when I got a second chance in love mid-life. When I married the first time, I wasn’t specific enough ahead of time. Even the things I wanted, I didn’t stick to. I settled instead. The second time around, I made a huge list of qualities I wanted in a husband. That list made a difference. It kept what I wanted in sight so I wouldn’t settle. (My current husband didn’t necessarily meet every quality on that list but he met a lot plus bonus items I didn’t even include.)
Tip 2
Know and like yourself. This is an important part of dating that should be talked about more. If you don’t know who you are, that could spell trouble. How will you know what you want and like in the opposite sex if you don’t know what you like about yourself?
If you dislike yourself, that also spells disaster. At least, that was true in my case. I knew who I was to some degree in my 20s. But I wasn’t completely accepting of myself and because of that, I settled when it came to love. I didn’t believe I was worthy of the best. You don’t have to repeat my mistake.
Tip 3
Ask friends and family for their opinions and be willing to consider those opinions even if they’re not what you want to hear. For example, my dad didn’t like some things about my ex-husband’s character. I should have paid attention to that but I didn’t and should have.
On the other hand, not everyone’s opinion is right. When I dated my current husband, some friends and family approved. We also had people in our lives who were concerned about our choice to date. But we stayed the course, and those who were concerned eventually had none. They don’t now for sure as we’re in our third year of marriage.
Tip 4
Pay attention to red flags. This is a big one. I ignored the red flags I saw in my ex-husband. They were there when we dated. Although I almost broke up with him early on, I kept going because I wanted love so much. The funny thing was, what I ended up with wasn’t love.
If your date has serious issues, pay attention. You can choose to have a discussion about them before doing anything drastic but by all means, don’t dismiss them. If you do, you’ll likely regret it.
Tip 5
Decide ahead of time that you won’t settle. Tell others about your decision or at least write about it in a journal. Doing so helps you stay accountable. You’re less likely to date someone who isn’t good for you if you’ve already decided that you won’t put up with nonsense. This means being willing to let someone go who isn’t the best for you.
It might be a hard choice but believe me, being lonely in marriage is far worse than being lonely as a single.
Tip 6
We have gut instincts for a reason. If something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't.
Just like you shouldn’t ignore red flags, don’t ignore your gut instincts. For example, there were a couple of men I chatted with online before I met my current husband. My gut instinct told me they were sketchy, especially when I found incriminating things online about them.
Again, be willing to let someone go if they’re not good for you.
Tip 7
Have goals in life other than marriage. You don’t want to pin all of your hope on marriage. Another person can’t fulfill you. Ask yourself these questions: What do you want to accomplish in life? Do you have a bucket list? Start with these questions.
I had goals and plans before I met my current husband. I didn’t pin all of my hope on him or a future marriage. I was content as a single person.
Tip 8
Determine what your passions are. A benefit of this is that others find someone who is passionate about various interests attractive. But don’t let that be the only reason you seek things you’re passionate about.
Before I dated my current husband, I’d become passionate about various hobbies like cooking. baking, and I’d always loved exercise. I’d also tried various arts and crafts and always had an interest in writing.
Tip 9
Know what a healthy relationship is like. In a healthy relationship, the two have shared interests and some differences, the relationship is balanced, and laughter is usually present. They enjoy each other’s company. There is no pressure to conform to the other. Conflict is overcome with mature communication. There is an ease between the two.
This is what my relationship was like between me and my current husband in our dating days and still is today.
The point of all this is that you don’t have to settle when it comes to finding love. Take these nine tips into consideration and they’re sure to help you avoid dating a dud.
Reflection Questions
What do you think of these tips? Would you add any?
Did you learn anything new?
What will you begin implementing right away?
What point will help you the most?
Are there any more challenging than the others?
If you liked this article, consider ordering my book Stop Settling When It Comes to Love. It’s packed with more dating advice I learned from experience, and it will guide you further.
Comments